waifumiia - Pretty, Cool

😷 WAifumiia😤

Ah, yes, waifumiia. The LITERAL definition of an Onlyfans-Celebrity. Not only have you probably seen her advertised all throughout your instagram feed, BUTT (She has a nice one) also, once you cave in and start to follow her, on your stories too.

Me, personally, I've been following her instagram accounts for what's most likely, a year. I know EXACTLY who she is, I know EXACTLY what she does and for some unearthly reason, I thought I knew EXACTLY how her Onlyfans would work. And my expectations were everyhing BUTT (Again, her's is amazing) correct.

Before I tell you about the way her content works, I feel obligated to give you guys a little intel, on how I went about subscribing to her profile. Here, you're also going to learn a little about her target audience. If you were to visit her instagram profile @waiifumia, then selected her tagged images, and took a look at the profiles she uses to advertise herself, you'd notice TWO common groups between most of them.

1 - Meme Accounts

2 - Other Onlyfans Models

This little observation gives us a teenie bit of intel into the whole Onlyfans scheme. For once, and something the official Onlyfans site does too: "Once you fall for one of these girls, they're going to try to hook you up with more"; policemen amongst you will know, this is basically how drug dealers get their millions too. 

While on Instagram, this means a collaborative advertisement atmosphere, the site itself presents you with NEW girls they KNOW you'll like, according to their algorythm, and generates an addiction. (bottom pic)

On a second field of analyzing their process of "recruiting", the fact she mainly uses MEME ACCOUNTS to gather fellowship, tells us the main type of men she wants to attract, are all fairly involved in weeb and internet culture. This is also supported by the term "waifu" she inserted into her pen-name (No, she's not a writer, and yes, the "pen" stands for penis). 

If YOU, my precious reader, aren't familiar with japanese otaku, or just normal japanese culture, let me explain "waifu" to you. Some time after world war II there was a period in japan, where american occupation started to introduce A TON of american culture into japanese life. As a result, the japanese turned comics into manga, but also, some english words, became part of how they spoke. And "wife/husband" turned into "waifu/husbando" respectively. This, of course, due to the way japanese people would pronounce the english words. To further understand, I dare you to do a very bad, but not at all racist, impression of a japanese accent, and say both of the words.

In any case, this appropriation of the english language was, AGAIN, appropriated by weeb-otaku culture, to refer to fictional female characters in manga/anime they'd love to Love. 

Love, meaning a lot of sex and commitment. It is typical for a waifu to be romanticized, and much like an Onlyfans girl, any man with a waifu knows he won't ever be able to be with her. This realization is heartbreaking, but simoultaniously useful. Not meeting the female figure you've been obsessing about, fortunately means, you'll never get to be disappointed by her real self. Which, finally, brings me to what happened during my subscription to waifumiia's Onlyfans. Also, quick sidenote, in any case you're curious, the anime girl on the bottom is MY all-time waifu, so please worship her. (Momo Belia Deviluke, To Love Ru)

So, yes, meeting this idealized, attractive and honestly, high profile girl, though not in person, but through repeated written interaction, was definetely that what you don't want to happen with your "idols". Through repeated texting, I have gotten to talk to a very "plastic", artificial girl, that's, at the end of the day, really just trying to squeeze a lot of money out of me. And, yes, nothing else. She doesn't care about squeezing anything else out of any of us.

It would seem as though I am being VERY mean, unprofessional even... Yet, I must express what I felt during my experience with her. I'm not sayign she's not doing her job correctly, you can clearly see and acknoweledge the fact she enjoys the more erotic side to her life, as she should. BUTT (Dudes, I swear her ass is fineee) if I look at the way she presents herself to her fans, regardless of through DMs or in public, it just seems much "faker" than with other models. The way one perceives her is, in many ways, as a character. One can't shake the feeling that she's playing a role.

To me, it does, in a way, masterfully tie back into her name. "Waifumiia". Much like a real waifu, I can idolize her, I can just fall for the way she wants me to see her. When the author of a story wants you to like his creation, he shows exactly what you need to be shown to like them. Here, Mia shows us sides of herself, that, she DOES probably have, BUTT (On your left, cap) in a way that's much more exaggerated.

The picture you just saw, is a very simple example of what this all intails. Even though I can logically admit that Mia certainly loves weeb culture, gaming, and everything a male probably enjoys too, the way in which she turns that appeal into a moneymaker, is, to me, the key to her success. Here, she's converting "playing a videogame" into sex. She wants to use you, as a chair, while you play a game together. Admittedly, that's sexy as fuck. Not only does it play into my slightly massochistic tendencies, but it also combines two of my favorite activities in the world. Sex and gaming. Add to that the VERY hot presentation of her picture, and you have yourself an invitation NOBODY and NO BODY could deny.

I'm serious, ANY dick would want some of that. I want some of that! NAY! Much like Weezer expressed so adequately, I NEED SOME OF THAT!!! And don't we all? I think we do.

Because, even though I have been talking about her utter "artificiality" in a bad light, it's important to acknoweledge, that we need some of that sometimes. Haven't we all met a woman so awful, that she drove us into therapy? Of course. And it's not even that rare for it to happen. So, for a change, why not enjoy the attention, the pampering, and all the sexy talk from a lady who's NEVER going to say ANYTHING to be seen as "unpleasant". Yes, her friendlyness and her caring nature do come from her desire to get our money, BUTT (Last one, I swear) we don't have to acknoweldge that, have we? If you have a stable income, enough money to throw away, and need a little pampering, then, GOOD, give it to waifumiia.

For the right amount of money, this girl will probably do anything in her power to make you feel better. YES, she IS a fictional creation, carefully put together to be every weeb's dreamgirl, but DAMN, does she do a good job playing that part. If you're looking for some true connection, between you and some Onlyfans chick, then, no. Waifumiia will NOT provide you with that. She's not a fast reponder, her messages are very shallow and, again, she's only there for your money. But once you put enough of that money into her wallet, I think you're gonna have a LOT of quality content in your hands. Well, your ONE hand, the other will be occupied with the part of you that needs those pics the most.

Now, even if you might have gotten the impression I'm fond of the things you can get out of subscribing to Mia... The fact you have to put A LOT of money into those things, is the main reason I can't let you blindly subscribe to her, without reading this review.

As my readers should know, this review consists of juding the quality of the subscription alone. For Miia, at the point of time this review is being written, this includes; For 9$ a month (+transaction fees):

-230 fotos

-54 videos

-Ability to chat with waifumiia through Onlyfans DMs

-Access to new posts and Stories on her profile

If this is your first time subscribing to an Onlyfans, you might think 54 videos and 230 fotos is A LOT. Which, it isn't. That's problem number one. The amount of content you're getting out of this deal isn't optimal. As I have already mentioned, the frequency of her responses in DMs isn't all that great either. Then, there's the problem with the shallowness, which makes conversations pretty fake, though, fun, sometimes. Finally, if you add to that the VERY rare addition of new posts or stories, you ain't getting that much.

Okay, but what about "quality over quantity"? Good question, boy. I must admit, that the quality isn't all that shabby. Especially with the photos, waifumiia knows EXTREMELY WELL, in which ways to position herself, to get that big bone to grow. If you dig the hard otaku/egirl/anime/neko/UwU energy, you're getting some of the best otaku/egirl/anime/neko/UwU pictures there are. Fappability levels are EXTREMELY HIGH with the pictures.

Unfortunately, that's as much positives, as I can give to Mia. Though, of course, if I could give her a positive pregnancy test, I would. In any case, though the pictures are AMAZING. Very much so. Even though they are, I am saddened to inform you that throughout ALL OF HER ONLYFANS, THERE ARE NO PICTURES, NOR VIDEOS, OF HER PUSSY.

Yes, there's an amazing ass, there are some beautiful titties, BUTT (God, I just have to point that juicy thing out) NOT A SINGLE FRAME OF WAP!!! To me that's an immediate "L" this review has to give to waifumiia. Any man with some form of taste needs a little clit to look at, and the fact you CAN'T GET ANY with the base subscription, is a very tragic reality.

I've made a call to purchase ONE relatively cheap video from her additional library. The fact that the ones you get from the base sub are VERY SHORT, and not rewarding at all, helped in that decision. To pick from her large library of ADD-ONS wasn't all that unpleasant either. As you pick the video you want to buy, you'll at least get some good visual delight from the thumbnails. But that's where the fun ends, mostly. Especially after comparing her prices to other models, the pleasure you get out of waifumiia's videos is rather low. 

I've mentioned her lazy texting, in those DM's, as is usual for Onlyfans subscribers, you'll also get ocassional deals and reminders for older videos. As a quick sidenote, the amount this particular girl sends to you each day is LUDACROUS, they're basically spam. In any case, seeing the price for set videos is also quite outrageous. As you can see on your left, there's a very average example of her prices. Rounded up, it's 20 bucks for a video in the length of a Family-Guy-Skit. The fact there's free BRAZZERS previews out there, longer than that, is also VERY enfuriating. And even if the captions she uses, to put some spice into the expectations towards the video, ARE very arrousing, they still don't match the quality you would expect from a 20 dollar pornographic experience. 

There's even worse examples, some 1-Minute videos can go out for 30$. Let me remind you that THE ENTIRE BRAZZERS LIBRARY can be accessed for 30 bucks a month too. The videos this chick is trying to pass off as "luxury-porn" sell for the same amount EACH! (The expensive ones). Either this girl's pussy is made of platinum, or someone's scamming the shit out of men online.

As a former teenager, that had the pleasure of going through puberty with the internet, I can additionaly assure you, that most things on PornHub are at least as fappable as waifumiia's content. What you get isn't even bad, it's pretty good, but, not 20-dollars good. Hell, if the MAIN SUBSCRIPTION doesn't even live up to the price, why would the extra videos?

To start summing this up, waifumiia is extremely attractive. Her skill for crafting a persona arround her presentation and her talent for erotic photography, take her already high sexual appeal into EVEN HIGHER regions. Should you be into a geeky girl, or just the fantasy of one, this is definetly one of the best ones at fulfilling that fantasy. Unfortunately, with great ass, comes great expenses. This girl will, without hesitation, try to get rid off all your money. Coochie is hard to get sometimes, and she proves that with ease. It is up to YOU to decide if paying her big sums is worth the pleasure. Personally, I'd rather masturbate to a brazilian waxing tutorial on YouTube, than paying 20 bucks for a three minute video of hers. But if you have about 100 disposable dollars to throw away, I'm sure you can get some good memories, and even better orgasms, all, with waifumiia.

Expressed even simpler, waifummia is pretty, and that's a fact. If that's all you need, then, go ahead. But I can't promise there's much else to see arround her (specially not any pussy). The final way in which I can describe what her Onlyfans is like, to end this off, would be the very title of this review. Pretty, Cool... Not much else to see, but shallow beauty, and sometimes, that's enough.

I grant waifumiia, and her Onlyfans Subscription,

a 4/10

-Johnny G. Johnson